1-900-ChickswithDicks

People don't understand the loneliness.
He's in his 30's now.
Still waiting for that all important first date.
Mother says there's a girl out there for me somewhere.
But where is she?

I see the commercials when I'm watching Family Guy.
All the girls are h0t and have nice boobs.
They say I can call them for free.
The call is local and the girls are local.
Screw that fat Family Guy I'm Calling.

So I'm calling the number.
The first one is free.
Now they want my credit card information.
But that's O.K. because I have several.
I know I'm gonna meet me a babe tonight.

But the first girl doesn't like me.
The second one thinks I'm a freak.
The third one hangs up on me.
The fourth one wants to call the police on me.
The fifth one tells me about another number to try.

I've never heard of this one before.
1-900-ChickswithDicks.
It can't be what it says, could it?
I don't care, I gotta get laid.
I'm getting my other card ready.

Wow, the "girl" sounds so sweet.
And they have a local spot we can meet.
I can't believe I have a date on the first call.
I better stop at the ATM.
Can't forget the condoms.

Her voice was deeper than mine.
Her package was bigger than mine.
Her condom was bigger than mine.
But the screams and the pain was all mine....

I think I'm Love..................