DAD ?

I had an interesting series of conversations with my dad recently. The last three in particular have been somewhat disturbing to me. Somehow a "reach out" phone call and a "stop by and say hi" visit have turned into something a little ugly. I can't take the emotional rollercoaster ride and give a word for word transcript of the interactions but I have been scratching my head to figure things out. It would seem that getting older and facing one's own mortality hasn't mellowed my dad out. He is still full of hatred for the african american (not the term he uses) community. Loathes liberals (I guess I fall into this category) and would wipe out atheist (me again) if given the opportunity. Don't even get him started on lesbians (another family member) and homosexuals. He has told me in the past that the only real news source in America is Rush Limbaugh. Years ago he told me that the only true american citizen is a Catholic Mason. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that all those statements are fighting words for me. Except I don't like to fight with people who share different views. I will discuss any topic, but I don't want to fight. We all lose. I have had many talks with my brother about what kind of legacy a dad leaves behind. This is a topic I find very interesting because it is also aimed at me as a dad myself. I look at all the examples I have been given by my own dad. Drinking, drugging, grifting, abusing, racial and political intolerance, adultery, dry drunkedness, screaming, yelling, strings attached love, selfishness etc. A few goods things if I may: love of music, decent sense of humor, fishing, thrift storing, fondness for pro wrestling. It's an interesting mix to be sure. I know one thing for sure is that I don't want to end up old, bitter, racist, and very judgemental, too bad my dad has fallen into this category, any good memories are fading away fast. I know one thing for sure and that is I don't want my kid around those things. I grew up without a grandfather, I made it. My kid only has my dad left for a grandfather. What do you do? Get togethers are easier if we can all coexist. I still love my dad, but I have to admit I am disappointed in the outcome. I have my own views about what a dad is and what he should be. I know that most of them are pipe dreams for me. But I know what kind of dad I want to be for my kid. Unconditional love and support, I'm sure I will go through the normal trials and tribulations of adulthood and parenthood, but I will still love my kid no matter what her political and religious beliefs might end up being. Hell, I'm looking forward to having a cold one together if she chooses. I want to be able to support any endeavor she follows. I also want to be a part of my grand kids if I live long enough. I want to be involved....
I don't expect my dad to change, neither one of us will live long enough. But my tolerance for bad behavior is growing thin. When you yell at me and raise hell with me, you are also doing it to my family. When you call my friends horrible names, you are calling me those names. I'm at peace with my relationship with my dad, I tried.... I haven't written him off though, but I know my place in his world, I guess? I don't like the darkness that surrounds him, but he chose his adult life. A path of destruction will take him to his grave. I'm sure his funeral will consist of disgruntled family members on one side of the church and many AA members singing his praise on the other. Not to mention some head scratching in the middle. How will I react that day? I don't know until it gets here. Until then we'll see what happens day to day. Life is weird, dysfunctional but never boring...................